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Fans of The Office: Here's Dwight Schrute's Resume! | Pongo Blog Dwight schrute resume monster

Dwight Schrute - Wikipedia

schrute: in the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all; it's fear. schrute: once i am officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote jim halpert. dwight schrute: well, at least i'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school. schrute: this is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. schrute: prison mike, what's the very, very worst thing about prison? schrute: [thinking he's steering the "booze cruise" boat] i was the youngest pilot in pan am history. dwight schrute: you said we couldn't make any more stops. [jim threatens with the stopwatch] andy bernard: i mean, i like all the crazy monsters and stuff, you know, like klingons and wookiees and all that, but. schrute: [noticing the women having a meeting] that's a terrible idea. dwight schrute: [while phone is ringing] okay, fine, i'll just let it go to voicemail. dwight schrute: we are going to have two mens' rooms. schrute: [irate that kelly is buying from the computer that he is competing with] what're you doing? dwight schrute: that is correct, unless there happen to be measles present.

Dwight Schrute | Dunderpedia: The Office Wiki | Fandom powered

." dwight schrute: [repeating to staff] "you need to do something about your b. schrute: although, publicly, i am going to retain the assistant regional manager position. dwight schrute: i just really, really think that we should handle this internally. dwight schrute: i thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy. dwight schrute: mmm, let's call it secret assistant to the regional manager. dwight schrute: then i'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes. schrute: [pushing michael's face into wet cement] force it in as deep as you can. took a page right out of the old schrute book of niceness. dwight schrute: excuse me, i'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero. dwight schrute: i have to do something to his eyes. [he transfers the phone, and begins looking around in a file on his desk, then resumes his conversation] dwight schrute: schrute farms, guten tag! schrute: what is the ratio of stanley nickels to schrute bucks? schrute: [talking quietly to angela with ryan nearby, trying badly to hide their affair] what about that meeting later to discuss finances?


Dwight Schrute - Wikipedia

15 Things You Didn't Know About Dwight Schrute - TheRichest

dwight schrute: [snatches ream of paper from darryl and yells at kelly] return it! dwight schrute: the bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man. dwight schrute: there is no book; there's only a survival guide. schrute: the problem, jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff.[dwight comes in dressed as jim as revenge] dwight schrute: pam. schrute: [trying to comfort angela] hey, come on, don't be sad. schrute: and if we have to defend ourselves, i will stab the security guard in the eye with a jumbo chalk. dwight schrute: i go down to the police station on my lunch break. [dwight closes the office door] dwight schrute: frame him for using drugs. schrute: it's a real shame, 'cause studies have shown that more information is passed through water-cooler gossip than through official memos, which puts me at a disadvantage because. schrute: powerpoints are the peacock of the business world, all show no meat. dwight schrute: what about when jan said the branch was closing? dwight schrute: [coughing] i was making fun of your comeback.

Dwight Schrute | Dunderpedia: The Office Wiki | Fandom powered

Dwight Schrute GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

" dwight schrute: yeah, and then they make you drive them to church the next morning. schrute: now then, do you have any special needs or dietary restrictions? schrute: normally, i don't condone leaving early, but i have an appointment with the horse doctor.[telling jim a case he's solved] dwight schrute: okay, one, case of the beet bandit.[deleted scene] [as dwight plays second life, his character opens up his closet to find his rocket launcher in jell-o] dwight schrute: who put my rocket launcher in jell-o? dwight schrute: may i point out that the sex appeared to be consensual? jim puts his fist up and darryl does it back] dwight schrute: okay, you know what? schrute: hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow. dwight schrute: i stab her in the brain with a wooden stick. schrute: there's still one thing we can do to get toby fired. dwight schrute: i just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when i make a sale. [points to michael] dwight schrute: you can be a witness. schrute: [to the tune of "we didn't start the fire"] joe mccarthy, richard nixon, studebaker, television, north korea, south korea, marilyn monroe!

15 Things You Didn't Know About Dwight Schrute - TheRichest

The Office: Halloween

schrute: voodoo mama juju, explain your dalliance with the dark arts. dwight schrute: don't make me do this the hard way. dwight schrute: [voice wavering as he thinks it's partially a result of his comments toward michael's sebring] you. dwight schrute: that is defacement of company property, so you better tell me. schrute: just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere. [everyone in the conference room raises their hand] dwight schrute: okay, really? dwight schrute: a man is found hanging from the ceiling. dwight schrute: yeah, that's 'cause i'm your boyfriend, jim halpert. dwight schrute: [to camera] trip advisor is the lifeblood of the agrotourism industry. schrute: i've pretty much given up on michael doing the right thing, or the decent thing, or even the comprehensible thing. schrute: through concentration, i can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. [picks up water bottle] dwight schrute: i bring my own water to work. schrute: [unfolds a letter from his jacket and reads from it] i state my regret. Teaching to write a chronological biography and The village shyamalan essay

Dwight Schrute (Character) - Quotes

[as david wallace congratulates dwight for the golden-ticket idea and michael tries to get dwight to admit it's not his] jim halpert: you're talking to dwight schrute, the biggest "wonka" fan i know. dwight schrute: as ranking number three in this office, i am order. dwight schrute: yeah, but i haven't told you my salary yet. dwight schrute: [later, to the camera] agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfast. [everyone but dwight raises their hands] dwight schrute: wait, wait. dwight schrute: oh, gee, i don't know, is a mega-volcano a problem? commenting, you agree to monster's privacy policy, terms of use and use of cookies. schrute: when i was in the 6th grade, i was a finalist in our school spelling bee. schrute: the purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by dwight schrute. schrute: i am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. schrute: excuse me, everyone, can i have your attention, please? [scoffs] dwight schrute: pastry cubes made of sugar and fat?

Dwight Schrute GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

The Resume of Dwight K. Schrute | mistynoelle | Flickr

dwight schrute: [muttering to disguise his voice] assistant regional manager.[in a confessional after dwight believes jim was bitten by the bat] dwight schrute: if a vampire bat was in the u. [chuckles] dwight schrute: it is my greatest dream come true.[in regards to jo coming in to talk with dwight as acting manager] dwight schrute: so i expect you to be on your best behavior, which means none of you will be insubordinate, nor will you foment insurrection. schrute: i will run this branch or i will destroy this branch. schrute: someone forged medical information, and that is a felony. schrute: through concentration, i can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. schrute: [diversity day exercise; dwight has a card on his head that says "asian"] "lots of cultures eat rice" doesn't help me. now, if i were buying my coffin, i would get one with thicker walls [double bass playing in background through the wall] dwight schrute: so you couldn't hear the other dead people. schrute: it is my job to be there for michael. schrute: when you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. [jim takes a bobblehead doll out of his suitcase and sets it on his desk] dwight schrute: identity theft is not a joke, jim! schrute: [ordering a stripper over the phone] ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles.

The Office: Halloween

Coming Out Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgendered at Work

schrute: when michael was in charge, this place was like the roman empire. schrute: jim, could you please inform andy bernard that he is being shunned?[dwight walks into the kitchen as jim puts up a paper that says "join the fist" with a picture of a clenched fist] dwight schrute: hey, hey, hey, hey. dwight schrute: speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die? dwight schrute: i think i cut my penis on the lid. dwight schrute: i am treating you the same as a man, for whom i would also not stand. schrute: [running into work after discovering it really was a friday] i'm here! schrute: now, i'm no doctor, but it seems to me that we all have an obligation to the public health to track down anyone who gives us a disease, inform them of it, and take overwhelming revenge on that person. dwight schrute: [scoffs] no, jim, i use a bad apiarist. [after knocking the cup to the floor] dwight schrute: you'll thank me later. dwight schrute: you said that we could come to you if we had any questions. schrute: [in response to jim's claims of childhood telekinesis] i don't believe you. dwight schrute: when darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection.

Dwight Schrute (Character) - Quotes

Halloween

[to pam] dwight schrute: you must turn over to me all christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately.[michael is driving himself and dwight back from an attempt at buying a new condo] dwight schrute: you know, you can always refinance your mortgage. to film crew] dwight schrute: i never smile if i can help it. schrute: pam and karen, i am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning immediately. dwight schrute: it is a statement of fact jim halpert: not even an exclamation point?[trying to stall the game until pam returns] dwight schrute: how many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? schrute: i trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. schrute: when my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. [everyone has a shocked expression] dwight schrute: and i mean that figuratively, not literally. schrute: just once, i would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. schrute: in an ideal world i would have all ten fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching. schrute: my girlfriend and i broke up recently, and i must say i am relieved. schrute: [to camera crew] can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends, so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore?

The Resume of Dwight K. Schrute | mistynoelle | Flickr

dwight schrute: [to the camera crew] i know she didn't do it. [dwight imitates a six-gun firing in the air] dwight schrute: [in wild west accent] howdy, partners. dwight schrute: i think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with. [stops, takes off his cowboy hat and speaks normally] dwight schrute: i can't do this.[as phyllis is lying on the floor from her back] dwight schrute: hey, hey, hey, hey. dwight schrute: tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. schrute: i don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but i have hunted werewolves. in the schrute family, we have a tradition where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his doorstep by his parents. dwight schrute: i was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. schrute: do i believe that michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? schrute: michael wants us to bond, so we need topics for conversation. schrute: every day for eight years, i've brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. dwight schrute: okay, i'm gonna need to search your car.


Coming Out Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgendered at Work

dwight schrute: -pointing to his breasts- no nobies, no probies. schrute: her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy. schrute: we have three rooms, each with a different theme. schrute: i like the people i work with, generally, with four exceptions. schrute: attention, everyone, i just got a text from michael. dwight schrute: unless you're willing to tell me everything, i cannot accept this assignment. schrute: i have been michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team.[during a "diversity day" exercise] dwight schrute: shalom, i'd like to apply for a loan. schrute: [playing agent michael scarn in a screenplay written by michael] "sam, get my luggage. schrute: i'm a deer hunter, i go all the time with my dad. schrute: and as of this morning, we are completely wireless here at shrute farms, but as soon as i find out where mose hid all the wires, we'll get all that power back on. [thinks about it] dwight schrute: permission to join the validity committee. [toby stares, shocked] dwight schrute: on a website, it said, "at the crest of the labia. Thesis binding usa online shipping apo, schrute: [about michael jumping off the roof onto a bouncy castle] when you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. schrute: in the schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. dwight schrute: is that the last year the data was available? you can all have jobs at schrute farms as human scarecrows. schrute: i didn't know that you were at a party on saturday night. dwight schrute: if you were driving a trans am, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world. schrute: reject a woman, and she will never let it go. dwight schrute: [makes some more faces and mumbles] a little comment. dwight schrute: yes, i did, except i don't think she means it. [jim, who has been staring confusedly at dwight this whole time, hangs up his own phone] dwight schrute: closest would be twin. dwight schrute: uh, someone, uh, forged medical information, and that is a felony. schrute: [thinking oscar has once been a potential drug mule] have you ever pooped a balloon? dwight schrute: a hero kills people, people that wish him harm. What to include in reference section of resume.

dwight schrute: actually, the place that she's in is the freezer because of the odor. dwight schrute: kevin, in sumo culture, you'd be considered a promising up-and-comer. schrute: it's very unusual for michael not to show up to work. dwight schrute: you expect me to believe that you're starting a rebellion? schrute: i want him to have all the urine he needs. dwight schrute: [to michael's papier-mâché replica head] quiet, you! dwight schrute: well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so. dwight schrute: that's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking a healthcare plan. schrute: when han solo returns to the death star in the millennium falcon, and shoots down the tie fighters and saves the rebel cause, do you think he does so for a free beer?[dwight is talking to jim in dwight's office] dwight schrute: jo is coming later today.[after getting instant messages from "the website"] dwight schrute: it appears that website has become alive.[outside michael's house, two police officers approach] dwight schrute: i'll take care of this. but in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie. Woodlands junior kent sch uk homework religion jewish htm

[dwight comes in the conference room in a cowboy costume after shooting off a gun in the office] dwight schrute: yee-haw! dwight schrute: [to the camera] there are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick.[jim set a fence of pencils up between dwight and his desk] dwight schrute: you can't do that. schrute: you could assume everyone is and not say anything offensive. okay, if this makes the difference [points at the ream of paper] dwight schrute: i'm gonna tell it that you were responsible. dwight schrute: [sees stanley about to drink the coffee and sprints across the office, knocking the cup out of stanley's hand] dwight schrute: no! dwight schrute: well, i hope 1985 has a time machine, 'cause i drive an '87. schrute: in the schrute family, we believe in a five-fingered intervention.[reading the note andy posted to a bush in the parking lot] dwight schrute: "from the desk of andrew bernard. schrute: and just as you have planted your seed in the ground, i am going to plant my seed in you. we [he and his cousin] dwight schrute: had a 15-year on our beet farm, we paid it off early.[dwight suspects the new website has become self-aware through instant messages pam is sending] dwight schrute: [typing] how do i know this isn't jim? dwight schrute: then i would bring an ax, no books.


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